It makes me truly angry and sick when people use their children as weapons! It is wrong, immoral and downright despicable. It also demonstrates a person's complete lack of parenting skill and conscience. There is that word again. I do think that either you have a conscience or you do not, it is that simple.
Many parents who use their children as weapons are perpetrators. These perpetrators are guilty of Parental Alienation Syndrome, or PAS. PAS was first recognized and identified by Dr. Richard Gardner in 1985 and continues to be followed up with research by numerous others. These include, but are not limited to: Baker, Clawar, Darnall, Rand, and Warshak. It is a professionally and widely held statement that PAS is child abuse, because it destroys the bond or attachment between the child and the targeted parent. PAS does not go away or resolve itself; in fact, it grows worse over time.
In PAS children are used as weapons by an immature, emotionally underdeveloped parent in order to hurt the other parent. Cases can range from moderate to very severe. In severe cases, the child has been so alienated and completely estranged from the non-custodial parent that repair is virtually impossible without aggressive and long term therapeutic intervention.
If you know anyone who is hurting as a result of PAS, please share this with them. PAS is child abuse, and it is reprehensible. Although it is too late for me, it is not too late for someone else. There are lawyers, mediators and therapists who can help. Call them...
Monday, March 16, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Lack of Conscience?
Some of us may know people who seem to walk (okay, stomp) through life caring very little for others. These people like playing victim and blame everyone else for what's wrong in their life. These people live with NO CONSCIENCE. How, I ask myself, can someone have absolutely no conscience? How can they use and abuse others, with no regard or remorse?
They are more than likely narcissists. I was married to one, and let me tell you, narcissists don't change. It's classified as a personality disorder and those can only be improved with intense therapy. They don't magically go away. Here's the interesting part: he remarried another narcissist. So here you have 2 "takers" hitched together. That's hysterical, isn't it? Two people who are selfish, self-absorbed and completely entitled to whatever they want, living under the same roof. They deserve each other, as far as I'm concerned.
What makes it heart-breaking, however, is that together they torture my children. Obviously I'm not talking about chains and whips, here. I'm talking about verbal, emotional and mental abuse. One of my children is now blind due to my ex's self-absorption, and it's something I will NEVER, NEVER forgive him for. He also uses my children to continue to torture, control and bully me. As if everything else wasn't enough, he is also a serial bully. This isn't surprising, since certain emotional and personality disorders seem to cluster together.
Now they say that "success is the best revenge," and I know from personal experience that indeed, it is. Several years ago I remarried a wonderful man who adores me and would walk through fire for me. My ex and I had a quasi-working relationship until I remarried. Then the you-know-what hit the giant fan. And you know what really burns his toast? That every day I get stronger and more resistant to his methods of coercion. Ha, for years he kept my wings clipped and my mind trapped. Now, my wings are healing and unfurling. Boy, it feels good...
There are surely others out there that have gone or are going through something similar. For them, I suggest visiting the links provided in this blog.
They are more than likely narcissists. I was married to one, and let me tell you, narcissists don't change. It's classified as a personality disorder and those can only be improved with intense therapy. They don't magically go away. Here's the interesting part: he remarried another narcissist. So here you have 2 "takers" hitched together. That's hysterical, isn't it? Two people who are selfish, self-absorbed and completely entitled to whatever they want, living under the same roof. They deserve each other, as far as I'm concerned.
What makes it heart-breaking, however, is that together they torture my children. Obviously I'm not talking about chains and whips, here. I'm talking about verbal, emotional and mental abuse. One of my children is now blind due to my ex's self-absorption, and it's something I will NEVER, NEVER forgive him for. He also uses my children to continue to torture, control and bully me. As if everything else wasn't enough, he is also a serial bully. This isn't surprising, since certain emotional and personality disorders seem to cluster together.
Now they say that "success is the best revenge," and I know from personal experience that indeed, it is. Several years ago I remarried a wonderful man who adores me and would walk through fire for me. My ex and I had a quasi-working relationship until I remarried. Then the you-know-what hit the giant fan. And you know what really burns his toast? That every day I get stronger and more resistant to his methods of coercion. Ha, for years he kept my wings clipped and my mind trapped. Now, my wings are healing and unfurling. Boy, it feels good...
There are surely others out there that have gone or are going through something similar. For them, I suggest visiting the links provided in this blog.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Legacy of Divorce
Anyone who's been through a divorce knows that, put succinctly, IT SUCKS! Now I make this claim not because I miss my ex, but rather because he is...well, I cannot say the words and respect myself. I wonder if Hell holds a certain place for men who cannot keep it in their pants or even hold come semblence of a family together. Men who lie, cheat, steal other men's wives, mentally abuse and physically neglect their children, and then to put the cherry on top, lie through their rotten horse teeth about everything they've done.
Now I don't want anyone to misunderstand me and think I'm just an angry, bitter ex-basher, because I'm not. To be honest, I've exhibited some pretty extreme self-control over the last 9 years. I've turned myself inside out to always take the higher road, to never stoop to his level. Right now I'm feeling that enough is enough. How much can the camel's back take? Perhaps others out there (male or female) feel the same anguish as me. Yes, I said anguish.
It causes intense anguish when your ex manipulates, uses, brainwashes, coerces, blackmails, torments and emotionally abandons your children. You feel helpless to make that person stop their irrational and seriously disordered behavior. After all, you cannot make them get that badly needed psychotherapy.
So, the part about divorce that sucks is not that you're escaping from a toxic, emotional vampire. For that I say THANK GOODNESS! What sucks is that it hurts your children, and sometimes beyond repair.
That is the tragic legacy of divorce...
Now I don't want anyone to misunderstand me and think I'm just an angry, bitter ex-basher, because I'm not. To be honest, I've exhibited some pretty extreme self-control over the last 9 years. I've turned myself inside out to always take the higher road, to never stoop to his level. Right now I'm feeling that enough is enough. How much can the camel's back take? Perhaps others out there (male or female) feel the same anguish as me. Yes, I said anguish.
It causes intense anguish when your ex manipulates, uses, brainwashes, coerces, blackmails, torments and emotionally abandons your children. You feel helpless to make that person stop their irrational and seriously disordered behavior. After all, you cannot make them get that badly needed psychotherapy.
So, the part about divorce that sucks is not that you're escaping from a toxic, emotional vampire. For that I say THANK GOODNESS! What sucks is that it hurts your children, and sometimes beyond repair.
That is the tragic legacy of divorce...
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